In My Mind's Eye

[excerpt from a journal entry dated 4/5/13]

   If I could feel calm and serene, with the idyllic juices flowing, I would start listing all that I want to fearlessly try when arriving in Pennsylvania.

   I hope the air is crisp and delicious as it was when in Upstate New York last November. I hope there is a crowd of green trees and singing birds and dancing waters nearby, too, like when in Upstate. I hope there's enough quiet to capture inspiration and artistic energy, and enough good, kind people to laugh with, serve, and learn from... I hope there is an abundance of sheer loveliness, and that miracles await. I hope there is sunshine there that will rise within my soul, music to produce images of movements to create, and wings to draw me both closer to God and to my dear friends whom I love, and to other [more] loves.... And I hope for peace, balance, harmony, love and joy that's both lasting and palpable in every sense.

  I like to visualize myself in a dance studio actively again, and being as dedicated to my health as I was when dancing regularly. I like to visualize conversing with and "hanging out" with inspiring, intelligent people
enjoying art, philosophy, psychology, food, spirituality and silliness. I like to visualize jogging serenely and effortlessly with Jacob [my doggie], and doing yoga. I like to picture taking a drive through historical sites, with the windows rolled down, and taking incredible photographs. I like to visualize writing in my journal, unabashedly - writing anything anything from spiritual epiphanies, to choreography notes to create dances, random lovelies and musings, to food reviews and art critiques. I like to picture a couple of my very dearest friends coming to visit me in Pennsylvania, where I would treat them individually to everything good and delightful PA has to offer.... I like to visualize life in Pennsylvania to be a daily spring-ness/summer-ness; to feel as though I'm dancing, painting, laughing, loving, and living in perpetual awe and glee.

 Truthfully, this is how I rather look at this move. I no longer want to even think about the logistics of finances, and endless "to do" lists (other than the fun and "dream" to-do's), or "what ifs" that are vague and heavy and dark.

 When I first moved to Utah, I was wide-eyed, easy-going and didn't worry about how it would all pan out; I knew that I had at least one good friend and it felt right, so I "just did it". When I arrived that summer, I was silly and spontaneous, outgoing and adventuresome. Naturally, "real life" set in and I have - years later - learned much (ideally). Regardless, there should be some free spirited-ness lenses to which I can apply while looking at this new "big move".

  If I could dance into that cheerful, pleasant sphere now, I would.