In My Mind's Eye

[excerpt from a journal entry dated 4/5/13]

   If I could feel calm and serene, with the idyllic juices flowing, I would start listing all that I want to fearlessly try when arriving in Pennsylvania.

   I hope the air is crisp and delicious as it was when in Upstate New York last November. I hope there is a crowd of green trees and singing birds and dancing waters nearby, too, like when in Upstate. I hope there's enough quiet to capture inspiration and artistic energy, and enough good, kind people to laugh with, serve, and learn from... I hope there is an abundance of sheer loveliness, and that miracles await. I hope there is sunshine there that will rise within my soul, music to produce images of movements to create, and wings to draw me both closer to God and to my dear friends whom I love, and to other [more] loves.... And I hope for peace, balance, harmony, love and joy that's both lasting and palpable in every sense.

  I like to visualize myself in a dance studio actively again, and being as dedicated to my health as I was when dancing regularly. I like to visualize conversing with and "hanging out" with inspiring, intelligent people
enjoying art, philosophy, psychology, food, spirituality and silliness. I like to visualize jogging serenely and effortlessly with Jacob [my doggie], and doing yoga. I like to picture taking a drive through historical sites, with the windows rolled down, and taking incredible photographs. I like to visualize writing in my journal, unabashedly - writing anything anything from spiritual epiphanies, to choreography notes to create dances, random lovelies and musings, to food reviews and art critiques. I like to picture a couple of my very dearest friends coming to visit me in Pennsylvania, where I would treat them individually to everything good and delightful PA has to offer.... I like to visualize life in Pennsylvania to be a daily spring-ness/summer-ness; to feel as though I'm dancing, painting, laughing, loving, and living in perpetual awe and glee.

 Truthfully, this is how I rather look at this move. I no longer want to even think about the logistics of finances, and endless "to do" lists (other than the fun and "dream" to-do's), or "what ifs" that are vague and heavy and dark.

 When I first moved to Utah, I was wide-eyed, easy-going and didn't worry about how it would all pan out; I knew that I had at least one good friend and it felt right, so I "just did it". When I arrived that summer, I was silly and spontaneous, outgoing and adventuresome. Naturally, "real life" set in and I have - years later - learned much (ideally). Regardless, there should be some free spirited-ness lenses to which I can apply while looking at this new "big move".

  If I could dance into that cheerful, pleasant sphere now, I would.

Taking a Break from Moving Worries

[excerpt from a journal entry dated 4/2/13]

  This morning, I woke up calm. Thankfully. (At least significantly calmer than when I went to bed last night).

  Suddenly, the memory of a painting entitled "He Anointed the Eyes of the Blind Man" has come to mind. I received a 5X7 print of this painting as an Easter gift six years ago from my then visiting teacher. On the back of the print she wrote:

"I know we are so much better than we think we are, and the Lord is just waiting to show us who we are..."

--

  [a few hours later]

When driving to work this morning, I was thinking about the aforementioned painting and applying it to this moving-to-Pennsylvania situation. The following words floating through my mind repeatedly:

Lord, open my eyes and show me the way because I can't see how this is supposed to work.

On the way to work, the song by Simon and Garfunkel came on the radio; "When you're weary [...] I'll dry your tears [...] like a bridge over troubled water."

Thought, I had to turn it down to answer a phone call and pick up my medicine at the drive through window,  I heard just enough of the song so as to smile. And, in that, I decided to take a break from worrying excessively about the moving logistics and focus on the positives of Pennsylvania, in general. 

 That said, here are some fun, fascinating facts about Pennsylvania:

- Drake Well Museum in Titusville, PA is located on the very site were Edwin L. Drake drilled the world's first oil well in 1859, thus launching the modern petroleum industry. (Just had to enter a Drake reference)

- In Hazelton, PA there's a law prohibiting an instructor from sipping a carbonated drink while lectruing.

- Betsy Ross sewed the first American flag in Philadelphia.

- The first car service station was built in Pittsburgh in 1913.

- The first baseball stadium was built in Pittsburgh in 1909.

- The "Crossing of the Delaware" is reenacted every Christmas Day.

- The first public zoo was established in Philadelphia by Benjamin Franklin in 1776.

- Philadelphia was once the U.S. Capitol.

- The first Little League World Series was held in Williamsport, PA in 1949.

- Pennsylvania was the named after its founder, William Penn.

- The largest number of Welch's Grapes produced is along "Grape Coast" Pennsylvania.

- In 1778, a 700 wagon caravan took Liberty Bell to Philadelphia.

- Fairmount Park in Philadelphia is the largest city part - 8,000 acres.

- The first daily newspaper was published in Philadelphia on 9/21/1784.

- Philadelphia is the site where the first Presidential home was built.

- Dr. George Holtzapple created the first oxygen tank in Loganville, PA in 1885.

- Johann Behrent of Philadelphia built the first piano forte in 1775.

- Pennsylvania's motto is "Virtue. Liberty. Independence."

- The highest point of PA is Mt. Davis in Somerset Country where Flight 93 crashed on 9/11/01.

- The Christmas tree capital of the world is Indiana County, PA.

--

So, essentially, one of the ways I find that painting depicting the Savior healing a blind man applicable to "the move", is that sometimes I need Him to help me see things in a different way - or with new eyes, per se. Sometimes I am akin to that blind man in painting; unable to see clearly, the face of God. And I need to humble myself; to fall to my knees pleading - knowing that He can and will heal me - for His help. Then, graciously thank Him for His mercy; thank Him for opening my eyes so as to see clearly both His hand in my life in which direction He would have me go...

("I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord"... Gotta love it when lines from hymns come to mind suddenly)